Welcome to the Lao Elephants Football Club
'Phants pharewell the DC at a Sunday massacre
29 Jun 2009, 01:29pm | Updated 29 Jun 2009, 02:13pm. Posted by Adam
Sunday the 28th of June saw the greatest exhibition of a Sunday match of Lights versus Dark since Darth Vader gave Obi Wan the finger. While not all the participants were able to follow the simple instruction of wearing a "white" or "blue/black" colour, the plethora of reds, greens and pinks did add something extra to the occassion.
The match got off to a blistering start, despite the 20 minute delayed bounce, with the darks establishing an early three goal lead through the ruck rover combination of the Big C (in his last 'Phants appearance) and little Wil "Wil McGee". Their unspoken bond came in handy as Big Dan continual palmed his balls in Wil's hands and set off an uncompromising forward thrust. It wasn't long, however until Coach Sibbers saw what was happening and quickly put a stop to these shennanigans.
Once the lights got their midfield structure in order the result became merely a formality. As Sibbers gave great service to the forward structure of Souk, and the Ferrari had a sneaky couple the Lights piled on 6 unanswered goals to go to the third time break up by three.
From here the Darks regathered and sent ADRA Grant onto the rampaging Sibbers to quiet him down. Frustrating the Coach by denying him the football, the Darks started the third with two quick goals to make it a contest again. However, in a five minute period of unparalled agression, the Coach crack...
Posted by Adam
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Read full entryLao Elephants vs Vietnam Swans - August 8 - Hanoi
22 Jun 2009, 04:40pm | Updated 22 Jun 2009, 04:42pm. Posted by Henry
Elephants far and wide - the greatest Australian Rules Football rivalry in the world will once again resume with the Lao Elephants on tour to tackle Vietnams finest, the Vietnam Swans in Hanoi. The date for this eagerly anticipated tussle is Saturday August 8th, scheduled for the pleasantly sunny Hanoi time of 12 - 2.
Immediate questions come to mind, have the Elephants after there relatively recent victory in Cambodia at the Indo-China Champs and management positions filled with new trunks & tusks gotten ahead of themselves, this writer suggests they may have. Will Vietnam exert revenge over there once easy-beat neighbours in this perfect lead-in to the 10th Annual Asian Champs to be held in KL. Elephants, by your tickets, get fit, and see you soon in Hanoi.
Posted by Henry
Northerners edge out Southerners in classic first ever derby
28 May 2009, 02:12pm | Updated 22 Jun 2009, 04:42pm. Posted by Coach
MATCH REPORT - THE LOCAL DERBY
In recent weeks, email chatter around Phants HQ has reached decibel heights only reached when Ms ‘Chk-chk-boom' Werbeloff went mad last week, as the longest, hardest and most punishing pre-post-pre-pre season in LPDRFC club history ended after 6 months last weekend with the first-ever Lao PDR AFL Local Derby at the National Stadium in Savannakhet.
Questions abounded:
- Would the Phants ever play another game after the dominating performance in the ‘Bodge in 08?
- Would President Phhhhenlly come through with the goods after some abortive attempts at Pachyderm Phixtures?
- Could the Phants hold it together after the end-of-season departure of so many great Phants names due to a global financial crisis induced tightening of the Phants-Purse after Wilbur blew it all at Donesavanh at the farewell - Hollywood, Sharples, G-Train?
- Could the physicality of the The Kidd be replaced?
All these questions hung in the air, much like a moldy Follett one-liner or a mistimed Sibree speccy attempt, provocatively suggesting that the Phants were a spent force in Asian footy.
These questions were there to be answered as a new era was heralded in at 5.21pm on Friday 22 May. It was at this precise minute that this new look herd of Phants, fresh faced, keen and extremely thirsty for success (and an 11 hour Beerlao session on a bus heading south) pushed off fro...
Posted by Coach
Lao Elephants versus Lao Elephants
The Lao Elephants seek to destroy the Lao Elephants this weekend in Savvanakhet. Will the Lao Elephants reign supreme?
Click to enlarge photo.May 23rd will mark the beginning of one of the biggest rivalries in Lao Elephants history as the Northern/Central Lao Elephants take on their Southern Lao Elephant sisters. This match will see the unleashing of two of the strongest AFL teams to take to a Savvankhet stadium since Phomvihan led his Revolutionary Raiders to victory against the Maniacal Monarchs in '75.
Speaking at a packed press conference earlier in the week, Langas, new father of the second biggest baby South of Akebono's efforts, talked up the chances of a Southern victory. "We've been training in earnest for the last 6 months to gear up for this match. Many of the boys really started getting serious on their weight training during the Christmas and New Year's break. I don't think we've really stopped the carbo-loading since then. Those Central and Northern highlanders better watch out because many of the local villagers here have been complaining about Elephants encroaching on their territory. They don't know that those footsteps they've been hearing are actually ours."
Not one to back down from a challenge, Lao Elephants President Henri, sole representative of the Luang Prabang Phoussies participating in this match, went on the offensive talking up his and Newbie Coach Sibree's preparations for the match. "Mani/Pedi, White Lotus, Mandarina, the dodgy place next to Lane Xang hotel. Do you know how many pl...
Posted by Adam
Snakes escapes to lead charge down south
20 May 2009, 04:28pm | Updated 21 May 2009, 01:24pm. Posted by Adam
In the lead up to one of the most anticipated clashes in post-1975 history, ‘Phants General Manager Snakes recently attempted to tour Australia to get some tips from some of the masters of the game (Barassi, Matthews, Bartlett, G-Train, Tambling were just some of the names on his list of who's who).
Running into some trouble at Wattay airport, GM Snakes discovered he may have bitten off a little more than he could chew at his latest outing at Dirty Don's Palace of Pleasure. As Laos' finest began to surround him, the Snake had no choice but to let them take him into custody. Shortly after arriving at Phonthong prison, Snakes was confronted with the sights, sounds and smells of ex-pat after ex-pat prisoner. Most had not seen daylight since Jaidee's in Vangvieng and had simply given up hope of ever having a mushroom shake again.
Scared, alone and with little more than his cell mate, Samantha, to comfort him, the Snake eventually managed to put through a call to his trusty Newbie Coach Sibree. Despite rumours to the contrary, Sibree's record with the Lao legal system is as strong as his coaching record. Despite being untested, one has not witnessed a similar amount of eagerness since the Kid stumbled upon a little bar known simply as "69" in Phnom Penh.
Using his empty threats of mediation with the Village Chief, or getting the Septologist (recently infected with the kind ...
Posted by Adam
Phants Wallace Talks Breakdown
19 May 2009, 08:10pm | Updated 21 May 2009, 01:24pm. Posted by Marty
The Elephants board have rejected a proposal from Terry Wallace's manager that 'plough' join the phants as High Performance Manager leading into the Asian Football Championships in KL later this year.
President Fenner revealed to a packed scrum of local media this morning that talks had stalled following uncertainty surrounding Wallace's future at Richmond. In his statement Fenner made it clear that the Phants are very pleased with the early season performance of rookie coach Sibree, and that the discussions with Wallace were about additional support for Sibree in recognition of the obvious challenges involved in replacing super coach Hollywood Hassett - club co-founder currently banished to the Berra for his role in the Mahasot 'unpleasantness', the murky details of which have only just surfaced (see below*).
The President also made it very clear that the talks with Wallace had absolutely nothing to do with the Phants near poaching of Ben's cousin Ben Cousins leading into last years Asian Championships. As reported at the time the club was just one empty meth lab short of the great coup in recruting history.
Fenner confirmed that the Wallace discussions had predominantly been held by ex-president Sharples who is currently working on his new rap album in Canberra 'My balls are totally frozen' and encouraging more people in Ostraylya to get involved in the great sport of...
Posted by Marty
UPDATE: Recent successful Phants recruiting activities
The elation shows on "Bob's" face as Coach Sibree presents the hallowed Number 2 Phants jumper at last week's red-carpet Gala
Click to enlarge photo.Gentlephants across Vientiane are raising their trunks to the sky today on hearing the news of the greatest recruiting coup in the (post-'75) history of the LPDRFC.
Despite formidable odds and a complete inability to compete in the pay-brackets that some clubs where offering (including a lucrative, last-minute offer from the Dubai Heat involving a 37% stake in a recently discovered oil deposit in the sandy emirate), the Phants have secured the services of the Australian Parliamentary Secretary for International Development Assistance, Mr Bob McMullen ("or you can just call me Bob") as it's number 1 ticket holder.
At a gala reception last week that was hosted at the Ambassador's Residence (which the LPDRFC also generously allowed to be called an "official reception" for the Parliamentary Secretary), the presentation of the Phants jumper was made by current coach Sibree on behalf of all Phants past and present.
While clearly very surprised to be receiving the honorific position within the Phants legend - aka think Stephen Bradbury's facial expression as he crossed the line first to secure the Australia's inaugural Winter Olympics gold medal - Bob maintained a steady composure as he accepted the privilege. In giving thanks for the sacrifices of so many Phants that have come before, Bob also identified young Logan Manley as the player of the future to watch, despite only bein...
Posted by Coach
Melbourne Intra-phant tussle; Pinks vs Greys May 30th
06 May 2009, 11:41am | Updated 08 May 2009, 01:40pm. Posted by AlexSaturday, May 30th
Wattie Watson Oval, Elwood Park, Melbourne (mel 67, C5)
11am warmup, 12pm start
As a fundraiser for the 2009 Asian championships, the Lao Elephants are holding an intre-club practice match on May 30th. Be aware this oval has grass, so dont let it put you off your game. Lao Elephants Training Guernsey and post-match beer and barbeque included in playing costs.. $35/$10 for supporters.
Stomp, stomp, stomp
contact: alexbarker1978@hotmail.com 0413 631 612
Posted by Alex
Phants returning to the hallowed Pit High Altitude Training (PHAT) Centre to resume the quest for Pa
A google image search for "baby Seppo and Langas" came up with only one response. This image does not reflect the opinions and attitudes of the management.
Click to enlarge photo.In what surely must rate as the second greatest spectacle ever seen in the Greater Mekong Subregion (the first of course being The Moment That Time Stood Still when The Captain, Legend and Number One Umbrella Holder Sanitsouk Sengdara kicked truly on the run from close range to lodge the first ever sausage roll on the board for his Lao brethren), hundreds of Phants were seen in force on the streets of Luang Prabang during the annual Pii Mai Lao celebrations.
While lesser mortals resorted to water pistols, buckets and hoses to inflict watery greetings on the revellers, the Phants of young and old used the time-honoured tradition of merely dipping their trunks into the flowing waters of the Mekong and then spraying anyone within shooting distance aka Bobby Brown in a wild night in 1987 that lead to some nasty rumours and rashes. Of course, such a technique naturally left both hands free to hold a Beerlao and assuaged the crush of autograph hunters with a few flicks of the Phiro. No injuries reported.
In other news, the first training of the Lao Buddhist New Year 2552 is set to see a return that has even the big boys in AFL HQ talking. Speaking at a press conference yesterday, AFL CEO Andrew Demetriou was heard to mumble: "Snakes? Never heard of him. Pass those chips." Mr Demetriou also surprised the invited press by announcing the new 'Distinguished Services to Internation...
Posted by Adam
Happy marriage makes happy country
28 Apr 2009, 05:05pm | Updated 08 May 2009, 01:40pm. Posted by Adam
In ceremonies unrivalled for pomp, prestige, beerlao, innebriated 'phants and (hopefully) posterity two 'Phant phavourite sons were recently married (see picture for depiction of wedding celebrations). Messrs Alex Kimura (nee Barker) and Tom Saysana (nee Callander) tied the knot to usher in a new era in their lives and, no doubt, their ability to turn up to the track on Wednesdays and Sundays. All of us at 'Phants HQ would like to congratulate them and Nobuko Kimura and Vonesili Saysana on making this big 'Phant family bigger, better, stronger and more representative of Asia.
We wish all four of you the best and hope that this is only the beginning of happy lives together, lots of swinging and continued 'Phants glory.
Pants down, Trunks up!
Posted by Adam
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