Despite such confidence from many of the elder 'Phants statesman (me) in the pre-game plan, others at 'Phants HQ (everyone else) has been pushing the team to new and bigger heights - coming off a successful local Derby which saw the best standard of football ever being played in the history of the PDR, ever, the coach and president of the LEARFC (nee LPDRFC) are rightfully confident of the contributions they'll be able to get out of the troops come game day. With captain Santisouk Sengdara surpassing his total career goal tally in the second quarter of the local derby alone the Elephants' hubris is growing with every day.

In preparation for the historic phirst meeting between the Malaysian Warriors and the Lao Elephants the club has managed to lock in its phirst ever match at the newly built Lao National Stadium. Able to seat over 20,000 phans, the 'Phants are expecting tickets to sell-out quickly and are suggesting all Phantamaniacs pre-order their tickets to ensure they avoid disappointment. The game will be held on the night of Friday the 2nd of July, with pre-match entertainment from two local VTE soccer teams and a women's and men's rugby under 20s match - promising the best night of football entertainment this side of Cape Town.

More information on the event and the 'Phants' phirst-class preparations will follow shortly.

The Northerners with their youth, fitness and footy experience were always the favourites, but the Southern Greys had a home ground advantage and had height, weight, age and security of employment on our side. Plus the northerners were very nervous about wearing pink on a mine site.

After a gruelling trip down here the visitors were met by Langers and myself. We gave them a Sepon tour in a special Sirisin bus without aircon just to try and dehydrate them a little more (a carefully planned tactic). The northern team include NGOs, employees of the MRC, Dept of Water Resources, Dept of Environment and Conservation, an editor for Vientiane Times, two engineers for TIGO, a medicine student, a graphic designer and the list goes on, but basically not the types to normally visit a mine site. We were conscious of the fact that these guys are more likely to hug a bunny than get excited over heavy equipment, so we impressed on them that Sepon is a well organised, socially and environmentally responsible operation. Langers expounded on the hard work of the environment department and water management systems whereas I fielded questions on the Cu and Au operations pretending I knew what I was talking about, and of course plugging the long life exploration potential of Sepon.

Thanks to Thavone and the CR department who organised a bunch of enthusiastic local kids to come from Villabouly to have an Auskick session before the game, to plant the seeds of Aussie rules at a young age, and of course to have a bit of fun.   

With the temperature hovering around a comfortable 35 degrees we started the game trunks up with Big Gav Hasselhoff winning the ruck, and Captain Langers banging home a goal in the first minute. Dom was scurrying around between Pachyderm Pattos legs in base of the packs picking up plenty of possessions, and Frenchy was rock solid back in defence, apart from his attempted screamers every time the ball came near him (even from a few handballs). We looked strong, though wheezy, at the end of the first quarter, leading by 1 goal and the northerners were rattled.

However 12 minutes is a long time running around in 35 degrees and half the team already needed some bench time. In the second quarter, aided by a freak northerly breeze that lasted for exactly 12 minutes, the Pinks came out strong and kicked 5 quick unanswered goals while we were still counting numbers on the field and figuring out our positions. By half time we were down 4 goals, and our trunks were at half mast.

But the long break gave us a chance to catch our breath, flap our ears a bit to cool off, suck up a few gallons of water, and get fired up by an angry Coach Lacey, who fired off more catch phrases than John ‘Baby Face' Burgess in his final days on air. We were boosted in the second half by the addition of John Curtain, and thoughtful and inspiring commentary from Laith. We came out firing from all barrels in the 3^rd, with John C working hard up in the air and on the ground, and Lemmy and Gneun putting in huge efforts, resulting in a goal to Gii. Shaun Big Guns Edwards put in some big hits, and Patto was ferocious, tackling people all over the ground, even sometimes when they had the ball, and some spectators, reportedly. Our big guys up front, Sallie and Reidy were throwing their considerable weight around. All day Simcock ran hard, and only came off the ground for a quick smoke then he was back on again. Rod Blondie Hannigan was inspirational, including a run for half the ground tapping and soccering the ball in front of him while fending off several Pinks half his age (and size). Although we outplayed the Pinks around the ground we were just not able to capitalise on the scoreboard - we were still down by 4 goals with one quarter to go, and that freak headwind just picked up again...... a big ask for the pack of panting pachyderms.

By the fourth quarter the effects of heat exhaustion were taking its toll. Dom was down, Hoff was hobbling, Sallie was sidelined and Frenchy was far.....narckled. Only the Lao guys, and Langers still had fuel in the tank (though the little orange light was on), as the rest of us were rotating on and off in 2 minute spells. We seriously contemplated bringing on some of the Auskick kids in our place. The legless, head spinning Simcock refused to give in, go off or take a break, and he managed to snag a major followed by another to Langers. Suddenly, as one herd, the trunks of the Grey Elephants rose in unison, was that a sniff of improbable victory in the air?? Could someone just tie down that curly haired guy and stomp him out of the game once and for all? But it was not to be; the Pink-skins with their superior fitness ran and kicked away in the last few minutes to close out the game. Our trunks immediately lowered, and snuffled around for something in the Esky to relieve the thirst.

Final score, 73 - 40 to the Northern Pinks, but really Football was the winner, followed by the local community (all money raised in the raffle will go to sports equipment for local schools), Public Relations (only get one chance to impress visitors), and Beer Lao did pretty well out of it also by the end of the night.

There are lots of people to thank for the day, including;

• A huge thanks goes to Thavone for organising AusKick with the school kids, teachers, and district government officers in attendance, and for setting up the ground and facilities (including tents, chairs, microphone/speakers etc) and taking them down after the game, and Frank for supplying the cost code.
• Jason Watson and Chris McCarthy for fair and consistent field umpiring, Ben Hastings and Rob Stevenson for being goal umpires, John Mallon for score-keeping, and filming the action
• Michael Simcock of Sirisin for supplying transport for the Northern Pinks for the whole weekend including return from Vientiane, and their accommodation in Vilabouly.
• Warren and Vimala for capturing the action on camera, including facial expressions, groin grabs and eye gouges.
• Dom Heaton for being a bloody good boss, not only authorising the whole event to occur at Sepon but also by donning a Greyskin, putting in for 2 quarters, and doing a hammy.
• Andrew Cadzow Australian Football League (AFL) Asia Pacific Development Manager for supplying Auskick Footballs and bibs that were handed to the Vilabouly school

"We're gonna make sure we take no prisoners, we hit 'em where it hurts, that we take it one-match at a time, that we all give it 110%, and that we really get around it and clap each other out." With the cliches coming thick and fast Sai was doing his best to gee-up the Northern Pinks and convince them to not drink three cases of beerlao each as they make the 10 hour bus trip down to Thakhek and Seppon on Friday night and Saturday morning.

While such a trip so close to the start of a game is shunned by some of the more precious athletes in other extreme sports, the Northern Pinks are confident that their unique pre-match preparation will pay the kind of dividends it did last year when, despite four players being unable to take the field due to undisclosed alcohol related incidences, the Northern Pinks were able to get up by 6 goals over their Southern counterparts.

With the match taking place at the LXML football staidum in Seppon, the Southern Greys will be expecting a big home crowd to cheer them on, while the Pinks will be expecting the kind of reception generally reserved for a Richmond coach after a slightly dissapointing start to a season. Despite the ledger this year being thrown completely in the favour of the Greys (home ground advantage, travel fatigue for the northerners, a couple of Americans taking the field for the Pinks, having Pauly as your centre-half forward and generally having to wear guernseys of Pink in front of the kind of men you would expect to meet in a mining-town sequel to Wolf Creek) the Pinks and Sly Sai will be expecting it to be a cracking encounter with Seppon, Vilaybouly, LXML, the 'Phants, citizens of Lao PDR, the province of Savvanakhet and the People's Revolutionary Party of Lao PDR being the real winners on the day. The only expected losers being the livers of several players overwhelmed by the PHANT-sized occasion.

Despite not coming away with the win, the signs are very promising for a 'Phants resurrection as they gear up for season 2010.

Match report from Coach Huntsman to follow soon.

Making the trip to Thailand is a team much more experienced than the side which recently played the Vietnam Swans at home, more like a Mighty Ducks 3 compared to a Mighty Ducks 1. With the ranks being swelled by some of Southern Laos' most shady miners, the Northern Elephants are looking forward to being bolstered by some bigger bodies, more reliable kicking and questionable incidences involving public urination. With a mid-field which previously had a host of players resembling Macauley Caulkin from Home Alone it will now boast the inlusion of big-guns Langas, Wilburr, Tricky and Huntsman's mate. In addition the backline looks forward to the addition of Frenchy  and Huntsman and the forward line boasts the return of Souk, recently returned from a club-imposed suspension for dubious discounting of parking fees.

While not known for winning matches outside of round-robin format, or in the last 7 months, the 'Phants are sure to be stomping their way to victory. In anticipation of their victorious return to Laos the Lao Elephants Coach Rory Hunter recently held a press-conference while being fitted for a pair of tiger-print undies. Addressing the media scrum he was quick to outline his reasons.

"We're going to sh*t all over those Tigers, I just want to get used to the feeling"

While raising questions about the functionability of his bowels, it left no questions about his desire to come away from Thailand with a victory.

Reeling from the loss of gun recruit Ben Cousins due to several tammakhung related hospital visits, the Lao Elephants started their campaign on the wrong foot. The Lao Elephants' attempts to notch up their first home victory underwent slight setbacks when it was confirmed that 60% of their starting line up, 83% of their bulk and 77% of their "get around it" factor was not going to be able to take part in the game. However, the Elephants did take some heart into the match when it was confirmed that the average age of the touring Swannies squad was 53.

From the opening bounce Paul Cornetto was on fire. Never one to hop on the push-bike for the 2km commute to work when his brand new 250 CC Baja is beckoning, the Cornetto surprised all by running into the first contest... then the next one... and the next one. Loathed to let any opportunity pass him by, the Cornetto quickly spotted several SHLBs sitting close by on the boundary line and sprinted over to give them a quick run-down on the planned after-party at Bor Pen Nyang. Not since his glory days with the North Adelaide School of Ballet has Pauly been so light on his feet.

Following some of the monumental work of Cornetto in the ruck, the ‘Phants quickly registered themselves on the scoreboard with a point, the first of many for the day, and set about establishing their rolling zone against an highly skilled and committed opponent. From this point of the game the Vietnam Swans managed to take the lead and, from memory, keep it for a while. But all that's in the past. It's best to stop living in the past.

Focusing this match on the play and who won would take a lot away from the mighty ‘Phants, who fielded a notable display of debutantes who look likely to serve the ‘Phants for a long time in the future, including:

• § Ben - when Tigo need to set up a telephone tower they've stopped building infrastructure and instead ask Ben to simply hold the antenna above his head. Has been known to eat small children for breakfast
• § Goby Jackson - resembling lurch from the Addam's family, this friendly giant is looking to bring a bit of size back to the ‘Phants and thrill all with his political insight and social commentary
• § Paul - no one knows too much about him, but he's a friend of Nicole and that had all of us checking our belongings during the quarter time breaks
• § Pa - while Pa may be a man of few words he lets his skills on the field talk for him. At one stage taking on the entire Swans backline like that guy from one of the last episodes of Band of Brothers when he runs through heaps of Germans, it's pretty cool and he doesn't even get shot once. You know the one, it's pretty cool.
• § Duncan - kicked his first goal, dished out his first hip and shoulder and decided his best times were behind him and entered retirement
• § Michael - kicked two goals, looks great in pink - enough said
• § Dane

All in all the ‘Phants acquitted themselves well and proved once again that they're undoubtedly the premier footballing force among landlocked South-East-Asian Nations. With a massive commitment to winning the hard-balls and then letting the rest of the game take care of itself the ‘Phants are expecting their 2010 campaign to go from strength to strength. Among the best onfield for the ‘Phants were Thommo, Phil, Pauly, Duncan, Luke, Henry and the article's author.

With an upcoming match in Thailand on ANZAC Day, the ‘Phants are looking forward to being able to show their new recruits what AFL is by shortly being able to watch it on TV again.

Despite having lost every previous Phomvihan-Chi Minh encounter, the 'Phants have a 3 wins - 3 losses record against the touring Swannies and will be looking to register their first ever win on home soil.

Asked what his prediction for the game was Coach Head-Hunter was pleased to reply "I think it is going to be f*cking hot and am kind of glad I probably won't be able to make it for the match. It's going to be a tough one for the 'Phants with several debutantes, many of whom have never heard of Australia, let alone AFL. Having said that, under acting-Coach Thommo I reckon the boys will have a decent crack at winning back the Cup."

The 'Phants will be fielding a very multicultural and inexperienced side this year with the number of Aussies likely to be outnumbered by Lao, Euros and Seppos. When asked who he was most excited about catching a glimpse of in the Pink and Grey in the first match under his tenure, Pres Mai Langers was adamant that many of the debutantes would prove to be the difference this year.

"I reckon Big Benny Tigo, Gobby Jackson, Chris the Flying Dutchman, Silverfox Pany and Shaun Higginbotham and Duncan Handjob will be giving the 'Phants' trunk a fair shake. Expect to see Tigo and Gobby tearing up the middle and half back with a lot of run from the Dutchman, Higginbotham and Handjob. Never underestimate old Silverfox either, he'll be popping up around goal to sneak 11 or 12 (beers) to half time."

To help spur on the 'Phants for their first home victory we're asking all of our Pink and Grey brothers and sisters in Vientiane to come out to Don Dok stadium at 4 pm on Saturday to cheer the boys on. The after party will be at Bor Pen Nyang Bar from around 7 pm and will be a chance for the public to catch a glimpse of their favourite stars up close and personal, an autograph or two may even be up for grabs for the collectors amongst us..!

Up the 'Phants!

Police enquiries to the club have increased three-fold in the last couple of weeks as members of the public have begun reporting suspicious sightings of key 'Phants personnel. One recent enquiry involved Paul Cornetto, once the darling of BOG awards, climbing to the top of Patuxay distraught after learning that another female 'Phant had won another best-off-ground award. Mr Cornetto has fled the country and hasn't been seen since boarding a bus into the highlands of PNG.

While the 'Phants have officially begun their off-season in attempt to prop-up the fledgling BeerLao brewery and follow government directives to slow work during the SEA Games some 'Phants have been hard at work recruiting to secure the 'Phants' future in ways not seen since Richmond selected both Jarred Oakley-Nicholls and Aaron Fiora with first-round picks.

The Lao Elephants would like to ophicially congratualte Wil and Bridget on the arrival of their second child, Toby Williamson. We hope for many centre clearances and forward fifty entries from the 'Phants saviour in the near future.

CONGRATUFRICKENLATIONS!

Despite a somewhat unorthodox preparation for the looming Indochina Cup (with many ‘Phants only taking to the track for the first time tonight), the Lao Elephants are preparing to bring back the trophy they will once again take over with them.

The playing list of the ‘Phants has taken a hit in recent months with many former champions of the club confirming they will not be able to take part in the Cup. Names like Morning Sprint-Shit Sibbers, Huntsman, the Trickster, Follet and Duncan are normally conjured when thinking about the ‘Phants' spine, however the ‘Phants will have to make do without any of these household names when they take on the Timid Tigers and Struggling Swans this weekend. Former Coach, Morning Sprint-Shit, when contacted for comments to encourage this year's new batch of ‘Phants had these stirring words:

"Go out there and live every moment like it may be your last for the ‘Phants. Many have gone before you and many will come after you, however this is your chance to make history for the mighty ‘Phants. When you hit the field in the phamous pink and grey you will be following in the footsteps of the greats of phooty. No other club in the region,  nay the world, has a history as rich as the mighty ‘Phants. When Kaysone scooped his first looseball get out of the back-pocket and slammed it on his mighty left boot onto the chest of his red prince, Suphanouvong, a mighty ‘Phants legend was born. Don't go out there for personal glory or recognition; go out there for the Kaysones, the Suphanouvongs, the Sharples, the Hassetts, the Big Wils, and the Kids and those guys who gave their all so we can be in Bangkok as the reigning Indochina Champs. So let's get our pants down, put our trunks up and give Thailand and Vietnam the tusking of a life time." 

Despite some fears that this ‘Phants line up lacks the experience to mix it with the mid-level boys of Asian Phootball, this keen observer reckons that it is the perfect mix to put Bangkok's high-flyers and Vietnam's toiling workers in their place. As an aid for those commentating the games on Saturday the author has provided an example of what you will be calling: 

"Seppo contests the ruck with the aggression of a gorilla separated from its baby and manages to tap down to Wilburr; Wilburr dishes out a quick handball to (P)Henlly who does three pirouettes, baulks four players, get's a bit sunburnt standing in the sun and throws it on the boot into the forward line. Langas leading into space takes a strong mark above his head and immediately turns around looking for his hero, and Captain, Souky. Langas pops it up high in the square where Souky, preparing himself, launches onto the shoulders of three Swans and four Tigers, hovering above the ground for what feels like a eternity he stretches one hand out (the other holding an umbrella for balance), grabs the ball and pulls it to his chest. Dismounting gracefully, he does a triple summersault landing on his feet. Going back calmy to slot through his eightieth goal of the Cup, Souky looks around to the crowd, and casually boots through what must surely be ‘goal of the post-revolution period'. ‘Phants up by infinity goals."

In addition to the above run of play, look forward to seeing the likes of Mr. Orrsome, Richard Gere and John Cusack's brother: the Seanster, Mr. Fen-a-lot-a-puss, the Wombat and Aisey's Mate, all grabbing hold of the game like it's a squirrel grip.

A simple message for all those in Laos: come down to training tonight to witness one of the greatest teams ever as they prepare their assault on the Indochina Cup. A simple message for all those outside of Laos: be afraid, be very afraid.

The rivalry between two of nature's most impressive beasts has raged since the Lions unsuccessfully tried to poach Elephants back-pocket of the century Phomvihane from the affiliated Ho Chi Minh Trailblazers, in his native Savannkhet. In recent times the hostilities between the two powerhouses had begun to thaw after an extended period of Elephants domination saw them rise to the top of Asian football, thus the world. However, with recent backdoor dealings between the Lions and Fevola the rivalry appears set to explode again.

Known for his antics on and off the field, and his ability to gorge an entire cow in one sitting Fevola was hoped to go some way to the 'Phants' efforts to replace the Seppo and Marky Marks. While Seppo was a ruckman and Marky plyed his trade mainly in the midfield there were high hopes that Fevola's ability to consume enormous and humorous amounts of food and alcohol would prove a suitable replacement for the duo. These hopes were dashed when, at the end of trade-week, a deal between Carlton and the Lions was hastily thrown together, leaving the Elephants holding nothing but their own trunk in their hands.

While the exact details of the proposed deal between Carlton and the Elephants has not been made completely clear, President Henri Le Cont did go public with his displeasure at how the deal turned out.

"Don't they know who we are and what we do? Didn't they see the way Roddy Rod Rod McGee was gonna knock that China Reds bloke's head off? If they don't think we're going to treat the whole Lions playing list the same way when we meet them next time they've got another thing coming. We were willing to provide 2 SHLBs, the highest Issan territory draft pick from the Nana Plaza draft and one night free of charge at the Mekong Hotel. We were willing to provide all this for a man who allegedly plays football. Laos is a small community, don't they know how taking Fevola could effect our reputation? We were going to do the Carlton Football Club a favour with this trade."

In response, the AFL's most dildo wearing player has been coy about what tempted him away from the Pink and Gray. Speculation however, has been rife that Fevola was dismayed when learning that BeerLao only had two breweries and instead thought his future might better lay in the haven of Bundaberg Rum.

Whatever the reason for Fevola's backdooring of the Elephants, the Elephants have resolved not to take it lying down. While the Elephants and the Lions won't open official hostilities until around the middle of next year, the Elephants have resolved to send a message to the footballing world when they take the field during the Indochina Cup on November 28 in Bangkok.

Much like an early 90s recession, this is the match report noone wanted.... but we had to have.

The Elephants second match at the 09 Asian Champs was against the tanned, buffed up Mark Occilupo's of West Lombok. Weighing in at a combined total of f!@#@#% massive kilos, these blokes looked like they'd done the odd tricep curl down on the Kuta foreshore. Even the Sepo was impressed with their massiveness and as if to say 'yeah sure you're big, but i am the reincarnation of Ganesh' ate two nearby Malaysian taxi drivers and a crate of chips just to show them who their daddy is.

Geographically and demographically Bali and Lao could not be any more different. Whereas Lao is clearly the beating heart of Asia, Bali's regional credentials are as dodgy as those of the very warm chaps from the United Arab Emirates. Discovered by the Portuguese in the Carribean in the 15th century and sold to the Indonesians a century later for a boatload of cinnamon and chives, Bali is hardly 'truly asia'. The island swarms for most of the year with the creme de la creme of Narre Warren, Rooty Hill, and Kalgoorlie - a cultural and spiritual melting pot par excellence. 

Fun yes, Debaucherous yes, but Asia????????

It was cooking in the lead-up to the game sometime mid-morning and President Fenner was already glowing like a german backpacker on a spanish beach, missing only the budgie smugglers and scorpions tshirt. Aisey, with impressive amounts of neck fur had been awarded the prestigious 'hairiest elephant 09' leaving 08 winner Wil distraught. This was not the only change from 08 with a much more refined, professional Phants unit on display - Snakes, showing maturity beyond his years had not yet passed out, nor urinated in public. The Dodger had only had 7 beers, Langas had only had 7 massages, Phil had only had 7 ciggies, and Souk had only collected 7 showbags. prophukinpheshonal. 

The game as I remember it was a cracker, a classic, a ball-tearer, timeless. For memory the beach bums kicked a couple before the phants banged through their first of the day courtesy of a Liam Jurrahasque 60 metre bomb from the phants own Walpiri wonderkid Liam ....um, Liam. Bang. Goal. Phants on the board. The beginning of something special.

When the siren rang the Geckos were up for memory, but not by much and the phants were gaining some momentum. Phisay was likely best on the ground in this one courtesy of a magic moment in the centre of the ground when he took on 1, 2 ,3 , 4 , 5 ,6 ,7 would be Gecko tacklers in one of the great phant moments of all time. At least thats how i remember it.

As has been well documented in global footy musings, the only real game of the day was the next one v the Swannies. 

Fish: You were definitely pissed. And a tad sunburnt, should have slip, slop, slapped!

B: That's great I am getting sunscreen tips from a Redknob. Not as pissed as you.

F: Sh*t, yep, I was pissed. Still pissed from the night before, or possibly last weekend in Vang Vieng. Or sh*t, can't remember. Anyway, we've been running water all day. Hard work. Especially with a leather akubra on the old loaf of bread - didn't breathe too well.

B: Are you having a laugh? Fish!

F: Have you heard my Ivan Milat joke?

B: Yes mate, we've all heard it and you do look a bit like him. Well done.

F: Anyway, it was the last game. They'd been telling me they were fit, been doing running, but everyone was looking like they could use an oil change and new battery.

B: Apart from the old bloke, he just kept up with it. All day, yelling out: "YOU'RE MINE!", or "YOU'RE F*CKED MATE" and stuff like that. Real scary. Sorta.

F: Yeah, I offered him a beer and he said something about salts, minerals and essential irons. Gaaaawd, what the be-jesus.

B: So the last game was against this mob of assh&les. Not totally, but that Phants guy who wore his shorts really high, so high and tight you could tell his religion, he got into a scrap. Rocket. Would have taken him too. Except he ran out of breath.

F: I ran him over a beer. He was pretty wrapped. Then I ran Langas a beer. The big unit finished clean off and then just smashed the can on his bicep and ran off. Gaawssssh, massive rig.

B: EPIC. So the boys did pretty well in the last game. Rallied a bit, got a few touches, wrapped a few goals, though Marty couldn't kick again and Thommo was looking a bit out of touch playing with a footy that had Arial on it. He was fuming.

F: So I ran him a beer.

B: Good one.

F: That President got a few more touches; Huntsman did some good; everyone had a crack; Rodger kept sinking tinnies on the bench. Merciless.

B: Ran them a beer as well. Had one myself. Smashed.

F: We nearly had them, those red buggers. Some inspirational words at half time, that old fella Hollywood talking about dams and being dammed, I don't know, but it got ‘em revved up. The Phants came out storming, looking like the front row punters at a Boxing Day sale at Bunnings.

B: Mark was limbering up by now for his eating stanza, just adjusting the gut to ensure maximum capacity. Cow-a-bunga looming large in his mind.

F: That ex-Pres missed a few more, perhaps not aided by his wingnut. Ah, what a great day. Another beer, then let's head to the beach.

B: The beach? Its miles away.

F: No..'The Beach'

B: Righto! Don't forget to Slip, Slop, Slap!

F: Keep the dream alive Bourkey.

B: You too Fish.

SOUTH Korean police, in one of their more heavyweight cases, are investigating whether a zoo elephant threw a stone at a woman visitor.
The woman, known as Ms Kim, told police she was visiting the zoo at the Children's Grand Park in southeast Seoul on Monday when she noticed an elephant picking up a stone with its trunk.

After she turned away from 35-year-old Taesani, she was hit on the back of her head by a large stone, several newspapers reported.

She reported the incident to police in Gwangjin district who began an investigation.

They found that the scene of the alleged assault was out of range of security cameras.

"Though Ms Kim believes the elephant threw a stone at her, it's hard to conclude that the elephant attacked her since there are neither witnesses nor evidence,'' Dong-A Ilbo newspaper quoted a police source as saying. Source: http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/breaking-news/elephant-a-suspect-in-rock-throwing-case/story-e6frf7k6-1225774855212

In his fury at Australian Rules minnow South Korea's inability to challenge the greatest AFL team on the planet the Lao Elephants, inaugural founding father and President, Sharples has been caught throwing rocks at South Korean Tourists.

NB People may ask how they could not know it was him all along, however it has been well documented on this site of Sharples' close resemblance to an Elephant. When he formed the Lao Elephants he had his ears surgically enlarged (just look at them), and rumours have it that after the recent successful Asian Championships he and ex Coach Hasset went via Na Na Palace in Bangkok to have their trunks enlarged as well. Current President Fenner has offered to travel to Na Na Palace with sexitary general Snakes next weekend to investigate. More news to follow...