Elephants Versus Swans Match Report
28 Jul 2008, 05:40pm Posted by MartyThe second ever game of international Australian Rules Football was played this past Saturday at the National University of Laos with the Vietnam Swans claiming their second victory of the Lao Elephants. On a glorious sunny day in the middle of a very damp wet season at the third spiritual home of Laotian football, the Elephants were unable to register their first victory as they put in an inconsistent showing against their more experienced neighbors.
The Swans turned up in Lao with only 12 players and in controversial circumstances managed to poach two Elephants – Pauly (who was best off ground later on that night) and Roger the Dodger in a deal as murky as Wayne Carey’s extra-curricular activities. Roger, displaying more courage than Darryl Hair did when he embarked on his recent book promotion tour of Pakistan, dislocated his finger on purpose pre-game in a valiant sabotage attempt but took to the field none-the-less.
By the time skipper Souk led the team onto the ground the crowd had swelled to somewhere in the vicinity of a number. Conditions were perfect when umpires Phil and Kate got proceedings underway. Swan Sammy Grigg kicked a goal within 8 seconds from pretty much the centre. Uh Oh. Not to bother said Wil as he came storming through at the next centre clearance avoiding some 12 would-be-tacklers before running in to kick his first ever goal. At least that’s how I remember it. The quarter went goal for goal with another extraordinary Elephants goal through Boris Yeltsin after a spectacular mark. Yeltsin’s kicking style reminded one young spectator of a drunk Mexican attempting to Kung Fu kick a piñata. Unorthodox, but very effective. Late in the quarter the Elephants let their guard down as the Swans put through 2 late goals.
The second quarter is best forgotten. And thus….it never happened.
At half-time the Phants were six goals down and Griggy had 6 goals for the Swans in a dominant performance. When you’ve got someone tearing you apart who you gonna call? The Bicep himself, the walking advertisement for anabolic steroids - Snakes. This frightening Elephants backman prepares for each game by injecting himself with the venom of a king cobra and pouring Lao Lao in his eyes just for fun. He was moved on to Grigg as a tagger for the second half and was a big factor in one of the great last halves of footy seen in the history of Laotian football.
In the third term the Elephants successfully negated the dominant Swans midfield with Boris Yeltsin dominant in the ruck and the Sepo playing ruck-rover the same way Mike Tyson plays the dating game. The backline led by Bruce was superb, managing to turn numerous Swans forays forward into elephant’s attacks. Coach Hassett took a huge specky, an impressive feat by a man with no hamstrings and the G-train impressed all with a terrific sequence of witty abuse pieces he’d composed involving several different mothers. With the half-time margin the same going into the last quarter the Elephants took advantage of the space that began to develop and piled on goal after goal to give a glimmer of hope. Georgey Costa went forward and slammed through 3 including a Charlie Yankosesque soccer goal, as well as goals from Langers and Sharples as the crowd began to get involved. Unfortunately it was all in vain and at the end it was the Swannies by 23 points.
The game was played in great spirit and the Elephants look forward to many more encounters with the Swans over the years, and in the not too distant future at the upcoming Asian Championships in Singapore on September 6th.
New players for the Phants included young Vientiane local Sy who showed great enthusiasm during limited match time. Great to have Sy on board as the club builds towards including as many Lao players as possible in years to come. The side took on a very international flavour as not only the Sepo but also Pommy Ben and, Café-indulging mad Dutchmen Fedor came out to play. Let’s hope that in the future all other sports worldwide become redundant as the entire world realizes that footy is heaps better than the boredom everyone else has been indulging in all these years.
The freak Wil and Big Bad Bruce were the Elephants best two players on a day when the side was left to rue a woeful second quarter and ponder the question (once again..) of what could have been.
Final Score: Swans 80, Elephants 57
Goalkickers:
Elephants: Costa 3, Williamson, Langdon, Boris Yeltsin, Sharples
Swans: Sammy Griggs 7
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