Snakes escapes to lead charge down south
21 May 2009, 01:24pm Posted by Sexetary General
Click to enlarge photo.
In the lead up to one of the most anticipated clashes in post-1975 history, ‘Phants General Manager Snakes recently attempted to tour Australia to get some tips from some of the masters of the game (Barassi, Matthews, Bartlett, G-Train, Tambling were just some of the names on his list of who's who).
Running into some trouble at Wattay airport, GM Snakes discovered he may have bitten off a little more than he could chew at his latest outing at Dirty Don's Palace of Pleasure. As Laos' finest began to surround him, the Snake had no choice but to let them take him into custody. Shortly after arriving at Phonthong prison, Snakes was confronted with the sights, sounds and smells of ex-pat after ex-pat prisoner. Most had not seen daylight since Jaidee's in Vangvieng and had simply given up hope of ever having a mushroom shake again.
Scared, alone and with little more than his cell mate, Samantha, to comfort him, the Snake eventually managed to put through a call to his trusty Newbie Coach Sibree. Despite rumours to the contrary, Sibree's record with the Lao legal system is as strong as his coaching record. Despite being untested, one has not witnessed a similar amount of eagerness since the Kid stumbled upon a little bar known simply as "69" in Phnom Penh.
Using his empty threats of mediation with the Village Chief, or getting the Septologist (recently infected with the kind of rage that only a mother gorilla threatened with separation from their baby can exhibit) to come down and sort them out, Sibree was reduced to using the same sort of tricks he exhibited in the ‘Bodge to rescue the GM from this one.
Calling in assistance from President (P)Henlllllllllllllllllllllllly the two were finally able to talk down the authorities with the offer of three pick-up trucks, seven mobile phones, one new house for the head guard's mother-in-law and a starting position in the next ‘Phants international match. Reports which have surfaced in the Vientiane Times since these murky events alleging that the Pres had in fact offered himself to the prison warden in an act of selflessness (not seen since he handballed to the ex-Pres Sharples in the goal square while running into an open goal) to save the Super Snake have been heavily denied by all involved, except the Pres.
With the Snake safely back in the hands of his beloved Bor Pen Nyang girls, life is slowly beginning to get back to normal at ‘Phants HQ... although everyone looks a little awkward when (P)Helllllllllllllllllllly walks into the room with a slight wince of discomfort.
Will the President's sacrifice prove to be worth it? We ask all phootball phans in Asia to make the trip down to Savvankhet this weekend to witness the battle of all battles as the Northern/Central Lao Elephants take on the Southern Lao Elephants at the new stadium. Which latitudinal distinction will reign supreme? Only time will tell. Watch this space for more details.
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