Northerners edge out Southerners in classic first ever derby
28 May 2009, 02:12pm Posted by Coach
Click to enlarge photo.MATCH REPORT - THE LOCAL DERBY
In recent weeks, email chatter around Phants HQ has reached decibel heights only reached when Ms ‘Chk-chk-boom' Werbeloff went mad last week, as the longest, hardest and most punishing pre-post-pre-pre season in LPDRFC club history ended after 6 months last weekend with the first-ever Lao PDR AFL Local Derby at the National Stadium in Savannakhet.
Questions abounded:
- Would the Phants ever play another game after the dominating performance in the ‘Bodge in 08?
- Would President Phhhhenlly come through with the goods after some abortive attempts at Pachyderm Phixtures?
- Could the Phants hold it together after the end-of-season departure of so many great Phants names due to a global financial crisis induced tightening of the Phants-Purse after Wilbur blew it all at Donesavanh at the farewell - Hollywood, Sharples, G-Train?
- Could the physicality of the The Kidd be replaced?
All these questions hung in the air, much like a moldy Follett one-liner or a mistimed Sibree speccy attempt, provocatively suggesting that the Phants were a spent force in Asian footy.
These questions were there to be answered as a new era was heralded in at 5.21pm on Friday 22 May. It was at this precise minute that this new look herd of Phants, fresh faced, keen and extremely thirsty for success (and an 11 hour Beerlao session on a bus heading south) pushed off from Vientiane to play the Inaugural Phants Derby against our Sepon pachyderm brethren in Savaanahkhet.
In what will surely become an institution, not just for the LPDRFC but indeed for the entire GoL, the international donor community and several hundred lost and bemused Lao spectators thinking they were there to witness a special 57th anniversary re-enactment of the Battle of Ban Dong, the Northern Phants played the Southern Phants for the right to hold aloft the ‘Kay and Kerry Danes Jewels' cup.
Despite a strict dietary/vitamin supplement regime enforced by Coach Sibree on the trip south, some ‘Best off Ground' form was witnessed early on in the piece with the ‘Ferrari' Jordan in smoking-fine form and Deputy Vice Assistant Fill-In Coach Hunter playing a deft musical hand. Spirits were high.
Captain Souk, sensing the occasion, made a stirring address to the assembled Pink talent, channeling lashings of Churchill, Kennedy and Barker's completely inaudible mate from last Asian Champs when he said: ‘[Inaudible] Why you not kick it to me? Where is my umbrella?'
After nearly 19 hours of travel, and with preparations finalized at Ground Zero Savannakhet due to the tireless work by new-dad Langas (three Trunks up), the largest herd of Phants ever assembled in the one zoo readied themselves at the National Stadium. For some Phants, taken from their mothers at a young age and hand-reared in Laos on a diet of the 'Pit, David Parkin footy manuals, Scott Palmer anecdotes and rote learning of the entire statistics of the 1989 Geelong side, this was their first encounter with a fully grassed pitch.
With a 12 on 12 formation, the Southerners looked to have some impressive bulk, the pre-season weight sessions and rumors of artificial growth enhancers obviously paying dividends, though Frenchy was tight lipped when asked the secret behind the Southern team's enhanced physique: ‘Mate, call it what you like, call it EPO, call it the Cousin's dandruff, we just call it beer fit'.
With the crowd numbering about 7, a few dogs and a bloke in the best denim flares seen since Woodstock yelling random indecipherable football related banter (apparently he owns an Australian mine), the stage was ready for the first ever major AFL game outside of Vientiane.
It was about 43c degrees in the shade and even the light warm-up had a few blokes wondering whether they'd go the distance. Pres had turned redish. Coach couldn't get the sunscreen to rub into the cranium. Captain had his 15th pre-game ciggie.
With the Northerners having won the toss and kicking with a slight breeze, the first few minutes was tight, physical footy. Big ‘DC' Carter in his final ever game for the hallowed Pink jumper commenced in his usual dominant form in the ruck against the might of Patto, providing great use of the ball for Si ‘Cyborg' Barnes and the wingmen Tom ‘I do look a bit like a Mormon' Allen, to pump it long.
Slowly but surely, like a lumbering Tusker through the scrub, a pattern emerged, as the Northerners pushed ahead. Coach (by now with a head resembling a sunburnt lobster) got a bit of the ball early, but it was the new recruits who were leading the way. Mark ‘Willo' Williams never stopped running, indeed launching into a few 800 meter sprints at half time so as not to ‘cramp up' in preparation for his 24 hour bike ride from Vientiane to Lake Irkutsk and back, getting some serious leather poisoning. Phil ‘Ferrari' and Duck Langas were having a cracking duel down front of the Sepon goal, while ‘It's AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEYYYYY' Aisenberg was unable to drop anything that came within 15 feet and started to kick a bag.
In the second term, the intensity of the Northerners was beginning to show, as was the Steve Moneghetti/Jeff Fenech training regime that Coach had secretly enforced on the team since February, exemplified by Fred ‘The Raging BullBull' JeanJean taking on not one, not two, but a lazy four big-eyed Sepon miners in a sight that would have made the Big Dipper prouder than his Dimmey's advertising career. I hear that Dermie has sent him a card of congratulations.
At half time, the Northerners were up by a few goals.
Having regrouped with a stirring half time clap led by the Raging Bull, the Northerners came out to really stamp their fitness and class on the game in the third term. Newbie Luke, playing for Sepon, showed some great endeavor all day, and will surely come into contention around Asian Champs time.
Snakes and new Phant Phen-Jay were doing good things out back, locking the Sepon forwards down, while Tom ‘TC' Callender was his usual, raging inferno of reckless arms and elbows before coming up with the footy and booting it forward.
Phhhenlly occasionally didn't run out of puff and got some touches in close and some runs down the space. The Doctor Sai, defying his height, weight and general fear of being crunched, danced around a rampaging miner, and despite having a chance to bag his first ‘sausage roll' selflessly dished off to big DC for his first ever Phants 6-pointer in his farewell match.
A touch of the Pres to the ex-Pres in the ‘Bodge to shore up votes - the first LPDRFC President in the wings? Massive news.
The result looking firmly beyond doubt, the Northerners romped home in the 4th term with Aisey kicking a 6-goal bag in the forward line despite Thommo's valiant defending attempts. With 10 minutes to play, Captain Santisouk Sengdara, never shy of goal himself, floated down into the forward line late in the piece where Coach passed to him, 15 meters straight out. This was the moment - you could feel the tension building - would we once again witness the famous ‘Flying B52' come out? Alas, it wasn't to be as ball sailed left, and the Bird Dance is put on ice until the Shanghai guys come to town. In fact, apparently more contagious that N1H1 Snakes caught that same virus and missed a sitter late in the term running into an open goal 20m out, an act that must surely call into doubt his entire existence in the LPDRFC. A vote is happening this Sunday, at Sunset. All must attend.
To their credit, the Sepon team fought all day, with some notable performances from Langas and Guy and Frenchy (and a few blokes this scribe didn't catch the names of) and some late 4th quarter goals meant they recorded a very respectable result.
When Umpire 'Bono' Hunter put the whistle to the lips and blew time on an epic Local Derby, the Northerners were home comfortably, but Lao football was definitely the winner.
Northerners: 11 10 76
Sepon: 5 12 42
Best for Northerners: Aisey (6 goals), DC (1 goal), Snakes, Barnes, Willo, Coach (3 goals), Phil,
Pres Best for Sepon: Langas (1700 marks), Guy, Frenchy
Kay and Kerry Danes Medal for BoG: Aisenberg
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