Phants cunningly snatch defeat from the jaws of victory over Swans
13 Aug 2009, 06:53pm Posted by Coach
Chiko roll, n, prounc: hmmmm...; lit. savoury snack, from Chinese egg roll and spring roll, for eating with one hand while drinking stubby in other, allegedly meat; Aust. slang: a goal; eg. "Slotted a chiko from 45 after the blower" Not many in Hanoi.
Click to enlarge photo.Match report: Vietnam Swans v Lao Elephants, Hanoi, 8 August 2009
In the entire, glorious history of the LPDRFC - the greatest club on earth, and in all probability the universe - never has one game of AFL been so eagerly awaited, longed-for, dreamed of, emailed about, commented upon, talked up, drowned down, emailed about some more, ignored, cancelled, emailed about a bit more and then finally provisionally scheduled so that some further commenting and emailing could occur and Thommo could approve and authorize the font used in the team sheet to finalise particulars and specifics. Indeed, a fierce and competitive 9 month pre-season that would keep even the Wantirna U15s on their toes had seen some being literally left behind, fatigued and exhausted at Barrys after a parma to such an extent that female reinforcements were needed to be called upon to ensure that every young Phant could make it home, given the intensity of the SVKT practice games and trips.
And so it was that a healthy squad of 20 Pachyderm brethrens journeyed to the sweaty, sultry climes of the little town on the Red River to tackle the Vietnam Swans in the latest Phant international friendly on 8 August 2009.
In what can only be described as conditions that would rival the recent 2009 World Sauna Championships (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Sauna_Championships, where interesting the Finns were knocked off their double-gold perch by the Rampaging Russian Tatyana ‘The Human Inferno' Arkhipenko), a quick pre-game inspection of the pitch resulted in nearly 112 tons of rock, brick, metal, and a marketable quantity of aluminum bottle-tops being removed from the field proper. MMG is said to be eyeing off a partnership to exploit any reserves.
After the ceremonial presentation of jumpers to new recruits, numbering a health 7 (c'mon down Aisey, Rory, Tricky, Mark, Phisay, Julius and Ant), a ceremony that has more tradition, meaning and downright pinkness than anything to rival Punter tossing a new baggy green to a fresh young pup at Lords at 9.47am as the clouds clear, it was time for some rather moving and meaningful words from the Australian Ambassador to Vietname, His Excellency Allaster Cox, to commemorate the recent tragic events in Jakarta, in particular the loss of Craig Sengar, an Austrade employee and Jakarta Bintang. The players and attendees observed a moment silence to reflect on the joys and potential pitfalls of the ex-pat life, before it was officially game time.
From the first bounce with a 14 man formation, and kicking with a slight breeze worth probably 2 chicko rolls, the Phants came out busting down doors like Barry Hall looking for a fight with a bloke who asked to see his murkin. The blazing Pres was on fire early, sweeping packs like Luke Hodge in Cameron Ling's body, the Trickster started to rhino a few opposing players and ‘The Duck' Langas was up like an Everyready battery and kicked truly from a tightish angle to get the Phants on the board. With Frenchy, Huntsman and Typeface Thommo showing their usual epicness in shutting out the Swans attacks, it was out to an 8 point lead at quarter time for the Phants, though the Swans were hanging in well, with their interchange of 47 players working overtime to keep fresh legs on the (quasi-)turf.
The second term saw more of the same, with the Phants kicking into the breeze, which had freshened and was now approaching a moderate whimper. Phisay, Souky and Sai all started to get involved in the game, Phisay in particular putting his chassis under the floating ball and taking some marks in a fantastic first-game display that will surely lead him to a potential Captains coup come KL (?), while the newly hirsute Snakes started to get some deft touches through the centre. Up forward, newest recruit Ant showed more toe than Matt ‘Swing-a-ling' Shirvington at the Stawell Gift on EPO in ‘94 to run down a dancing Swan and earn a shot for the big sticks. Boom-Boom and Aisey were trying their hardest against Draw the Atlas, while Cornetto, Marky Mark and Ferrari started to gain some touches against the Swans who had decided to chuck a few extra units on the pitch without telling anyone, let alone us or the Ump. Again, Pres was instrumental, and having recently returned from an extensive ballroom dancing tour of Southern France, put the skills to good use by flipping 4 baulks, 2 dummy handballs, faked a couple of air-kisses to the onlooking phou-saos and threw a Bolshoi-esque pirouette to march past a few gutsy looking Swans and kick the goal of the day, if not in Phants history. Half-time - Phants by a few goals, looking just ok. However, there were some troubling signs - a complete lack of talk amongst the Gentlephants resulting in at least 3 instances of blokes spoiling eachother in easy marking contests and the resulting turnovers ending in scores for the Swans.
After sucking in some gulps of humidified O2 and a few stirring words of encouragement and the odd bite of Snickers, the third-term was one the Phants would probably prefer to forget. The Swans, to their credit, came out having a real crack, their on-ballers and forwards first to the pill and working better as a team. Despite some heroics from Wil the Masochist who was now running his third marathon for the day and acting like a steel spring from Gallipoli, and Langas taking some good grabs mid-field, for a solid 8-10 minutes, the ball was stuck in the Swan forward line as they peppered the goals but, thankfully, had the accuracy of Buddy with a bung eye and a Ice hangover to keep the Phants in the running by kicking just 2, bringing them within a couple of points of the mighty men in Pink. Only a steadying goal late in the term from Cranium Coach kept the Phants ahead at the final change. This was going to the wire....
With the wind at their backs, the Swanies came out again hard in the final stanza, threw the ‘full meat and three veg' along with the Weber at the smaller, tiring Phants, some of whom had started to think a bit to hard about pick up lines for the Jim Bean Cowgirls for later that eve. The Coach committed the blunder of the day and let a 4 foot 9 inch Swans out-mark him at point blank in the goal square to hand them the Swanies one on a platter (Thommo, however, never said a word about it), while around the ground, the extra interchange men started to really pay dividends as the Swans pressed and pressed as the Pinks tired. Against the run of play, Aisey plucked a goal for the Pachyderms to keep us ahead by over a kick, the opportunity appearing like a sighting of the Virgin Mary with milk streaming from eye in a grotto in a Spanish-speaking cuidad. "Could they hold on?" the gathering crowd of 12 people and a dog whispered as Wil picked up possie 47? With about 5 minutes to go, the sun giving everyone a medium-rare skintone and the pitch as hard as a Coober Pedy third day wicket, the Swans stole the lead for the first time all afternoon from a set shot 25m out, to shoot 4 points ahead....the boys rallied, Hunstman demolishing a few packs and delivering a few encouraging slaps on excessive derrieres and the Phants tried with gusto to steal back the win, but alas, to no avail as the hooter sounded. Swans by 4 points.
It was a cracking game, one worthy of teams that have now played 5 games against eachother, with the Swans edging the Phants out 3-2 on the win-loss record. Despite some solid performances, especially from BOG Pres, Wil, Rory, Phisay and Snakes, the Phants never looked like a unit, and the lack of men on the bench played into the Swannies hands who had a squad nearing 30 players. Clearly, this will be key in KL. The team as a whole needs to lift its work-rate and get to more contests, as we didn't play well on the confined spaces of the small pitch. However, most importantly, Coach will be instituting some ‘Hear yee, hear yee' City Crier-style classes over the Mekong for all KL attendees, in a bid to get the old Phant vocal chords in use on the ground - it was dead quiet all day.
Despite this, and putting things in perspective, we were up all day against a team that was significantly bigger, had more AFL experience and has been around for a lot longer than the LPDRFC; if we used out first half advantage well, the game was over at half time - there's a lot of positives to take away here.
In all, a cracking weekend was had. The Swans once again put on a great itinerary and Willy kept a few boys involved in his nocturnal affairs, always pleasing. As KL looms large, there is a really strong base to build a great showing at the Champs, and learn from the narrow defeat.
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