Phants Blog

Malaysian Warriors to struggle against a resurgent 'Phants outfit

Two 'Phants fly at the new home of Lao Aussie Rules Football
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Despite not having won a match since last year's Asian Champs the Lao Elephants have been improving with every beer and pie session at Barry's and Phriday Night Phootball viewing at Bor Pen Nyang Bar. Taking their lessons directly from the masters of the game (Robert Walls' special comments on Channel Ten, Richo's inspired Boundary Riding on Channel 7 and Caroline Wilson's confidence in Richmond still being able to make this year's finals series) the Lao Elephants are pretty confident the rest of the pieces of the puzzle (disposals, goal kicking, hard ball gets, a team to take the field) will take care of themselves.

Despite such confidence from many of the elder 'Phants statesman (me) in the pre-game plan, others at 'Phants HQ (everyone else) has been pushing the team to new and bigger heights - coming off a successful local Derby which saw the best standard of football ever being played in the history of the PDR, ever, the coach and president of the LEARFC (nee LPDRFC) are rightfully confident of the contributions they'll be able to get out of the troops come game day. With captain Santisouk Sengdara surpassing his total career goal tally in the second quarter of the local derby alone the Elephants' hubris is growing with every day.

In preparation for the historic phirst meeting between the Malaysian Warriors and the Lao Elephants the club has managed to lock in its phir...

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Grey skins go down in Derby classic

The Mighty Northern Pinks were able to raise their trunks triumphantly after the local derby earlier this month against the Southern Greys. Here is how Captain Camel Toe of the Southern Greys saw the match:

The Northerners with their youth, fitness and footy experience were always the favourites, but the Southern Greys had a home ground advantage and had height, weight, age and security of employment on our side. Plus the northerners were very nervous about wearing pink on a mine site.

After a gruelling trip down here the visitors were met by Langers and myself. We gave them a Sepon tour in a special Sirisin bus without aircon just to try and dehydrate them a little more (a carefully planned tactic). The northern team include NGOs, employees of the MRC, Dept of Water Resources, Dept of Environment and Conservation, an editor for Vientiane Times, two engineers for TIGO, a medicine student, a graphic designer and the list goes on, but basically not the types to normally visit a mine site. We were conscious of the fact that these guys are more likely to hug a bunny than get excited over heavy equipment, so we impressed on them that Sepon is a well organised, socially and environmentally responsible operation. Langers expounded on the hard work of the environment department and water management systems whereas I fielded questions on the Cu and Au operations pretending I knew w...

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Northern Pinks prepare to destroy Southern Greys in upcoming local 'Pants derby

The northern pinks begin their march down south
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"We're gonna romp and stomp all over those miner boys from down South" said Sly Sai Souksombath when addressing the troops over a couple of pre-tour beers at everyone's favourite four floors in Vientiane over the weekend.

"We're gonna make sure we take no prisoners, we hit 'em where it hurts, that we take it one-match at a time, that we all give it 110%, and that we really get around it and clap each other out." With the cliches coming thick and fast Sai was doing his best to gee-up the Northern Pinks and convince them to not drink three cases of beerlao each as they make the 10 hour bus trip down to Thakhek and Seppon on Friday night and Saturday morning.

While such a trip so close to the start of a game is shunned by some of the more precious athletes in other extreme sports, the Northern Pinks are confident that their unique pre-match preparation will pay the kind of dividends it did last year when, despite four players being unable to take the field due to undisclosed alcohol related incidences, the Northern Pinks were able to get up by 6 goals over their Southern counterparts.

With the match taking place at the LXML football staidum in Seppon, the Southern Greys will be expecting a big home crowd to cheer them on, while the Pinks will be expecting the kind of reception generally reserved for a Richmond coach after a slightly dissapointing start to a season. Despite t...

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Elephants qualify for World Cup; look for new coach....

I took the 'roos to the World Cup and Chelsea to the Champions League final but everyone still laughs at me cos' Im a stoned clog wearing windmill lover who collects cheese
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http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/news/newsid=1177134/index.html

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'Phants toil but come up short against the Tigers

Thailand Tigers trying to escape the heat on match day
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On a scorching hot day, playing on a hard surface the Lao Elephants managed to have the ANZAC Day Cup stolen by the Thailand Tigers with only 2 minutes left on the clock, despite leading all day.

Despite not coming away with the win, the signs are very promising for a 'Phants resurrection as they gear up for season 2010.

Match report from Coach Huntsman to follow soon.

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'Phants to contest 2010 ANZAC Day Match

Elephants and Tigers - natural enemies or friends?
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It was with great honour that the Lao Elephants accepted the invitation from the Thailand Tigers to contest this year's ANZAC Day match, on the day before ANZAC Day. Played annually as an invitational the ANZAC Day match provides a fantastic opportunity for all the players, spectators and organisers to become a part of something important and show their respects to the sacrifices made by the armed services. Combining a day of football with a trip to the dawn service at the Hellfire Pass and the wreath-laying ceremony at the military cemetary it will provide the first opportunity for many of the 'Phants' playing list to travel to the infamous Thai-Burma Railway. In the short history of the Lao Elephants Football Club this is one of the most important events they have taken part in.

Making the trip to Thailand is a team much more experienced than the side which recently played the Vietnam Swans at home, more like a Mighty Ducks 3 compared to a Mighty Ducks 1. With the ranks being swelled by some of Southern Laos' most shady miners, the Northern Elephants are looking forward to being bolstered by some bigger bodies, more reliable kicking and questionable incidences involving public urination. With a mid-field which previously had a host of players resembling Macauley Caulkin from Home Alone it will now boast the inlusion of big-guns Langas, Wilburr, Tricky and Huntsman's mate....

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Lao Elephants go down but with trunk held high

The Lao Elephants get first hands to the ball
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March 20^th will forever be etched in the memory of Laos and Vietnam as a Saturday which started off pretty hot but ended in a monsoonal downpour. Such was the gods' fury at the Lao Elephants' "defeat" at the hands of the Vietnam Swans that they purged the heavens of a monumental build-up of condensation.

Reeling from the loss of gun recruit Ben Cousins due to several tammakhung related hospital visits, the Lao Elephants started their campaign on the wrong foot. The Lao Elephants' attempts to notch up their first home victory underwent slight setbacks when it was confirmed that 60% of their starting line up, 83% of their bulk and 77% of their "get around it" factor was not going to be able to take part in the game. However, the Elephants did take some heart into the match when it was confirmed that the average age of the touring Swannies squad was 53.

From the opening bounce Paul Cornetto was on fire. Never one to hop on the push-bike for the 2km commute to work when his brand new 250 CC Baja is beckoning, the Cornetto surprised all by running into the first contest... then the next one... and the next one. Loathed to let any opportunity pass him by, the Cornetto quickly spotted several SHLBs sitting close by on the boundary line and sprinted over to give them a quick run-down on the planned after-party at Bor Pen Nyang. Not since his glory days with the North Adelaide Scho...

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Lao Elephants host Vietnam Swans for the Phomvihan-Chi Minh Cup

Lao versus Vietnam: World War 3?
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This Saturday, 20th of March the Lao Elephants will be hosting the Vietnam Swans in a winner takes all match for the Phomvihan-Chi Minh Cup at Don Dok stadium.

Despite having lost every previous Phomvihan-Chi Minh encounter, the 'Phants have a 3 wins - 3 losses record against the touring Swannies and will be looking to register their first ever win on home soil.

Asked what his prediction for the game was Coach Head-Hunter was pleased to reply "I think it is going to be f*cking hot and am kind of glad I probably won't be able to make it for the match. It's going to be a tough one for the 'Phants with several debutantes, many of whom have never heard of Australia, let alone AFL. Having said that, under acting-Coach Thommo I reckon the boys will have a decent crack at winning back the Cup."

The 'Phants will be fielding a very multicultural and inexperienced side this year with the number of Aussies likely to be outnumbered by Lao, Euros and Seppos. When asked who he was most excited about catching a glimpse of in the Pink and Grey in the first match under his tenure, Pres Mai Langers was adamant that many of the debutantes would prove to be the difference this year.

"I reckon Big Benny Tigo, Gobby Jackson, Chris the Flying Dutchman, Silverfox Pany and Shaun Higginbotham and Duncan Handjob will be giving the 'Phants' trunk a fair shake. Expect to see Tigo and Gobby tearing u...

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Vientiane joins New York, London, Melbourne, Hobart as newest Hot Lap host

The winners celebrate as Coach eyes off the BBQ
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The Laos Elephants are pleased to announce that the Vientiane Hot Lap has now been added to an emerging list of hot laps around the world, paying tribute to the late, great, Nick Green.  
 
‘Nick Green would not have been out of place in a pink jumper, drinking a 3 litre beer tower at BPY, so the mighty phants will pull on the pink jumpers and hit the streets of Vientiane' said Coach Hunter.
 
Hunter had a number of hot laps to choose from, but in the end went with the 3.2km course prepared by Andrew Williamson; Strength, Conditioning and Fitness Coach ‘In the end, we are a family club and I thought it would be inappropriate to end the hot lap at Don Chan Palace'.
The races commences at the ‘famous' Nam Phou Fountain and heads down past the Presidents house, hangs a left on Lane Xang where runners will head towards the beautiful Arc De Triomphe or as the plaque states ‘From a closer distance it seems even less impressive, like a monster of concrete‘, , hang another left past the buzz of the Morning Market as the vendors set up for another day of haggling , veer right, then a hard left along past Settha Palace to the National Stadium entrance, 1.5laps of stadium then exit at the opposite entrance, straight down to the mighty Mekong River, another left at Kong then back up to Nam Phou fountain.
 
http://www.nickgreenhotlap.com/locations/
 
Coach backed either defender Adam ‘Snakes' Kam...

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'Phants welcome new kid on the block

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Fresh from a gallant defeat gallant defeats at the recent Indochina Cup in Bangkok the 'Phants have entered a stage of collective soul searching.

Police enquiries to the club have increased three-fold in the last couple of weeks as members of the public have begun reporting suspicious sightings of key 'Phants personnel. One recent enquiry involved Paul Cornetto, once the darling of BOG awards, climbing to the top of Patuxay distraught after learning that another female 'Phant had won another best-off-ground award. Mr Cornetto has fled the country and hasn't been seen since boarding a bus into the highlands of PNG.

While the 'Phants have officially begun their off-season in attempt to prop-up the fledgling BeerLao brewery and follow government directives to slow work during the SEA Games some 'Phants have been hard at work recruiting to secure the 'Phants' future in ways not seen since Richmond selected both Jarred Oakley-Nicholls and Aaron Fiora with first-round picks.

The Lao Elephants would like to ophicially congratualte Wil and Bridget on the arrival of their second child, Toby Williamson. We hope for many centre clearances and forward fifty entries from the 'Phants saviour in the near future.

CONGRATUFRICKENLATIONS!

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